Do you ever want to change everything about yourself?
Just, not be you anymore. It happens at the weirdest times to me. I just watched Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, and it was amazing, and honestly, I didn’t want to change myself too much after it, but I think it’s just been sort of building up, you know? Really, the only thing the film made me want to do is own a blue jumpsuit like one of the characters. (It’s pictured, and I can’t find it online, and I’m annoyed.)
There’s a bunch of other things I’d like to change too. Like, I want to buy blue jeans because I don’t own a pair of blue jeans, but honestly, I hate how they look on me, but I still want it. I want to fix my eyebrows, so they look more like twins and less like cousins, but I also don’t want to mess with them in case I mess up. I want to buy foundation, so I can cover up my not-so-great skin, but I don’t want to physically go to the store by myself and talk about what I want or buy it. I want to wear crop-tops, but I’m scared of what people will think of me. (Also, I have this irrational fear of being beaten up because of it, but maybe it’s not so irrational because homophobia is a thing, and my train of thinking is: they see I’m in a crop top > they believe I’m gay > they beat me up.) Lastly, I want to dye my hair, but I don’t want to at the same time in case it looks bad or ruins my hair.
I think there are two reasons for resistance to change, or at least my resistance to change. The first is what others will think. Personally, I don’t like when people notice changes about me. Whether it’s good or bad, I’d prefer they not point it out, and if I do something different, they’re going to point it out and maybe make a big deal of it, so I tend to do what I normally do, in an effort to avoid that. The second is that I have this idea of myself and what I like and what I should do. In the previous paragraphs, I give all these reasons for why I don’t want to do what I want to do. They make sense, but I have to ask myself if it would hurt to just try. The only way I can find out if I actually want to do those things on the regular is to give it a shot.
Maybe there’s something in your life you’d like to change. There probably is. Everyone’s got something they want to change.
I think we should do it, with three conditions. First, I think we should change positively. If you think it’s not going to be positive, don’t change it. Don’t change for the worse. With my examples, some of those things could turn out horrible or they could turn out good. Basically, it’s 50/50-ish. However, if you know for a fact it’s going to turn out bad, don’t do that. That’s just not good, I think. Second, I think it should be gradual. At least, I can’t. So personally, I’ll do it gradually. You could do it overnight if you wanted to, but in my opinion, real change happens gradually. Third, love yourself now. So sometimes, we get this idea that after we achieve this one thing, we’ll be able to love ourselves more. If we take a while to achieve those things though, that’s a good bit of time we spend not loving ourselves. So, love yourself now, and love yourself after you’ve changed whatever it is you want to change.
Photo credit: 20th Century Fox